A Split Reality

So I find myself split between two very possible dreams. I have a brother who has the freedom and ability to branch out to different countries through work or internships. He is single and free to go where he wants, when he wants. I have a mother who raised her family in the same city for the last 18+ years. I grew up in the same house, living among some of my best friends my whole childhood, and attending the same Church ward since I was 6. I loved my childhood for her decision to be a stay-at-home mother and allow her family a stable and safe lifestyle.

Here is where I am split...

I am a dreamer. I am an adventurer. I like to explore and see exotic and new places. I see this world as a giant garden: so beautiful and full of life. I see this world as a huge maze: waiting to be explored. I am very grateful for the opportunity the Lord gave me to live and serve the people of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for the year and half He did. He knew I wanted that experience and He knew I needed it. One the other hand, I am a soon-to-be mother of a child. I am married to the most wonderful, dedicated, and hard-working man on the planet. We live in a two-bedroom apartment where we love our neighbors and enjoy the wonderful friendships around us. We are currently saving up to purchase a home.

I love my life. I love being married and always having someone to talk, laugh, and enjoy life with. And I want to have children; I love children. I grew up in a family of 12 (10 children, 2 parents) and I love them all dearly. However, I find myself dreaming of far-off places often. I have a deep yearning to swim in the Great Barrier Reef, bungee jump off the highest bridge in New Zealand's gorges, or to climb the tempting Mount Kilimanjaro. Unfortunately, to fulfill one dream means the sacrifice of another.

In reality, I am not a millionaire; I am not a famous movie star or guitarist that can freely and easily travel across the nations to see and do what I want. I am but a simple American citizen, trying to live life with enough food on the table and plenty of down time to take a vacation a few times a year. For the record, I am not complaining about my current lifestyle. I love my life. I am simply expressing how my mind finds itself torn between what it thinks is two important dreams that my heart yearns to come true.